How to describe students? They are an apparently unrelated in anything bar the environment they share (bar being the operative word). The students are a whole different species to the regular humans that tend to roam the world. Students have the ability to survive for weeks without food, in much the same way camels survive without water, but this will rarely be used if food is available, especially if free. They cannot work due to physiological limitations. Students hibernate for three months in summer and three hours every morning. The life span of a Student is rarely more than four years, three years is the most common. The are many sub-species of students. All have distinct differences, enabling us to tell them apart. The University and its surroundings: The Students gather at a place known as University. These colonies tend to crop up in urban areas, where they are seen to be parasitic. This is not so. The colonies provide the service of keeping Students out of society, once the students are ready to enter society they have been robbed of all imagination and their dangerous tendency to think for themselves. University holds things called Lectures, these are divided in to two forms. Lectures involve someone standing in front of a group of Students, babbling about something. Lectures officially last set periods of time. This is not observed by the Students, as they leave whilst the Lecture is still in progress or in some cases they turn up and leave before the Lecture starts. Some Lectures have a break, in which the Students seem to utter a mystical chant and subsequently disappear. This chant has been rumoured to be "Shall we go to the pub?" A Student lives in Digs, so named due to the similarities between the home and a hole in the ground, somewhere not too far from the University itself. These Digs are small, cramped accommodation, usually with rising damp. The kitchen area is a breeding ground for large colonies of mould, strangely the students try to grow these and usually call them Cecil or Nigel. This is such a complex in-joke that even after intensive studies I can not find the logic to. The Student Bar is apparently where "lectures" are held. Students are commonly seen standing at the bar whilst complaining about "lectures". In recent times the bar has suffered a decrease in population due to rising prices. During times when drinks are cheaper than everywhere else the Student Bar has been reported as full to overflowing. Activists: These spend the majority of their time behaving like the common cuckoo, inhabiting nests, laying eggs, eating worms and not moving until they are forcibly evicted. The common territorial cries of the activist include "We shall not, we shall not be moved!" and "We have rights capitalist dogs!"
Art Students: Primarily nocturnal, they will never be seen outside of their digs before noon. They also have a bizarre view of the world, where a pile of bricks counts as "art". "Art" literally translates as "something stupid that costs next to nothing and we can sell it for a fortune".
Engineering Students / Rugby Players: These are a curious breed, their anatomy is much like all the others, except when dissected the arteries were full of ethanol. These Students inhabit the bar between the hours of 11 AM and 12 AM then spend the rest of the time in hibernation.
Mature Students: Technically a crossbreed between the Employee species and the student. This breed is markedly older in appearance than all the other students. According to legend they are the re-incarnated souls of students past, back to watch over/laugh at fledglings, and to right the injustices of the past. Also, they like to get drunk.
Psychology: These are a remarkable type. They spend their time trying to figure out and manipulate the other student sub-species. They are often found connecting other Students to complex machinery and drooling over lobotomy equipment. The Psychology student says "this equipment, like, measures brainwaves, or something. Yeah brainwaves. There's nothing to worry about!" This is a lie, as it is actually a complex machine designed to brainwash the subjects. When confronted about this they said, "it was more of a rinse actually. Now come with us... "
Compsci: Also known as computer scientists these Students take nourishment through absorption of radiation from monitors. They rarely leave a computer, the only time they do is to go on to another one. They are also recognisable by a distinct smell. Compsci legend has it that one day a "cool" Compsci will appear, then they will conquer the world. Their concept of "cool" involves taking a bath, being good at sport and not being terminally boring. So, it appears, we are perfectly safe.
Psychosocial Studies Students: They are really great. No one knows what they really are about, and they are rumoured to have awesome magical powers. They are generally all knowing and wonderful people.
